Noctis Lucis Caelum (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kittycaterer) wrote2017-06-25 08:46 pm
kittycaterer) wrote2017-06-25 08:46 pmIc inbox | Recolle
Noctis Caelum
"You got Noctis. Do the thing."
VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION
kittycaterer) wrote2017-06-25 08:46 pm
no subject
"Fetch Ignis. We both know he won't stop crying until he's here."
He remembers his father saying that. After a particularly brutal day of tests, checkups, and injections. Complete with that... That fucking feeding tube. Noctis had been so poor in health at the ripe age of eight, and he just remembers feeling so scared. His stomach had hurt so badly, he was so terrified of the fixture falling out. He still has nightmares about that now. But in his nightmares, Ignis never came.
He can remember like it was yesterday, Ignis small and quiet, yet still so much bigger than Noctis. Holding him a lot like this, with his hand calmly cradling his head while the other held him close. It's so childish in this setting, but he regresses without the ability to ignore it. Ignis repeats an age-old reassurance that he's here, and it's similar enough that he almost hears it in that strikingly smaller voice he'd had before.
Noctis feels so, so terrible that he turned Ignis away. He made a mistake. Maybe this is karma, veering its ugly head to prove a point. He'd had this episode so closely after rejecting Ignis that it seems almost blatant. But he knows it doesn't work that way.
The overwhelming feeling is almost painful, it dictates the way he breathes and the way he thinks and Noctis has zero clue how to deal with it other than to let it run its course. He shifts, turning a bit in his bed while he sits up, so he's able to face Ignis. But it's not a proper placement, no. At this angle, Noctis shifts and his face is sufficiently buried in Ignis' chest. He's fully clinging to him now, arms around his back. If only to hide the warm tears that start instantly streaking down his cheeks in silence. This week has been so hard, and he just wants it to be over. ]
I should have kept in touch.
I shouldn't have--
[ He shouldn't have turned Ignis away, but there's a part of him that still isn't ready to admit that he's in such poor straights. He shakes his head to indicate he can't finish his sentence, falling in silence to avoid audibly sobbing. ]
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Don't be ridiculous. You've done absolutely nothing wrong. [His voice sounds too harsh for his ears but the emotion is so strong he can't even hold it back.]
I... from the very beginning, I should have never left you. I made a promise--
[Ignis pauses, holding Noct tighter as his voice breaks and he has to bite the inside of his cheek. They were with each other all the time, he made a promise to care for Noct and treat him like a brother, to always be by his side. And then just like that all of it was gone. He could have lost him for good all because of, what, really? He has no excuse. Ignis isn't even sure how Noctis can forgive him for abandoning him, for thinking he could just walk back into his life like this and accept to be treated like an old friend, a dear companion.
How could he care for him so much when he's let him down so terribly? Wetness clings at his lashes, nearly startling Ignis before he steels his composure and simply begins caressing Noct's hair, mouthing words against his temple.]
Noct... you're my brother. Please don't ever forget that. Because I won't. Not again.
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Gods, Ignis never sounded like this. It's like he only hears the sound of the little boy he'd followed around like the sick puppy he was. Noctis doesn't realize that he's legitimately sobbing into Ignis' poor shirt until it starts feeling soggy and wet.
You're my brother.
How the fuck did they forget that? How did they grow apart so easily? Any memory Noctis has of Ignis is purely pleasant, warm. They were brothers as children; Noctis practically begged for Ignis' company, regardless of whether he was in the hospital, at home, or out of the country. Noctis isn't nearly the clingy, bubbly child he once was but that doesn't mean he doesn't yearn for those days. What the hell happened?
Ignis holds him lose. It's embarrassing, it's childish. But for some reason, it brings that same bit of comfort he recalls so fondly. ]
What--
What happened?
[ Why did they break apart like that? Why the distance? Truthfully they are both at fault, but how? ]
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We grew up. [That's how these sorts of things always happen. It's so easy to prioritize your life to simple, little things, because there's nothing else for you to worry about. All Ignis had was his parents and Noct. And then adulthood happens, and everything changes.]
The world expanded around us. We found things that weren't each other. The paths we took, the choices we made...
[He doesn't intend to tell Noct that they made mistakes, because he doesn't want to think that cruelly. Whatever happened between them, however that distance occurred, it must have just been natural, he's sure of it.
Ignis only wishes he knew better than to just cut Noct out of his life completely. He needed him. He needed someone. There's a heavy, shaky exhale as his fingers run along Noct's back.]
There's no point in thinking about it. We can't change the past. I'm just glad, that I'm here now. Before it was too late.