kittycaterer | Ic inbox

[it hits him like a bucket of cold water, at noctis's words of it being too late for him to not worry about prompto. it softens something inside him, the concrete walls he's been trying to build up so nothing comes spilling out and his vulnerabilities make him seem desperate and foolish.]

[prompto hesitantly turns to look at noctis, although he doesn't keep his gaze for long.]

...there's always something going on with me. Sorry you got signed up for the shittiest friendship ever.

[ Noctis knits his brow and greatly swats at Prompto's shoulder. ]

That's insulting.

I wouldn't be friends with you if I didn't think it was worth it. Is that what this is about?

[words are words, in the end]

I'll never not appreciate being your friend, Noct. ...and that you actually want to be my friend, and are, of course.

[he doesn't react to the swatting, just about leans to the other side. etro climbs down onto his lap, and prompto pets her fluffy head]

It's just...

You'll be right to replace me, at some point. I'm not that great.

[ That seriously breaks his heart. He isn't the best at expressing himself, and it may only barely show in the way he slightly frowns. But how in the world can he feel this way? Noctis knows he has low self-esteem, he's listened to him explain why he thinks so low of himself, but he was also in excruciating pain and could barely wrap his head around words.

Hearing that Prompto is so keen on being replaced, he just...

Noctis sighs. He stands up and starts walking over to the kitchen. ]

Hold on.

[ He pulls out a drawer, containing a pretty thick folder. When he walks over, he holds it out for Prompto to take. Noctis doesn't really want to go this route, but he isn't sure what else he can say to get the point across. ]

Wasn't gonna show you, but here.

[ Should Prompto open it, he'll find that it's all of Noctis' medical records from his extended stay. It's fat with brain scans, documentation, prescriptions and notes. He speaks as he walks back to the couch and sits down. ]

Page 13 of the daily observations. Read it.

[prompto turns in surprise to see noctis get up and around to the kitchen, only to bring out a folder--a pretty thick one at that. prompto's never been privy to most of the cupboards in the kitchen, so it's not surprising it escaped his radar.]

[the whole "wasn't gonna show you" catches his attention immediately, too, and although he hesitates to take it, not knowing to expect, the first page clearly kills that mystery.]

...from, from your stay in hospital?

[it feels like too much; every single answer he wanted to his questions while looking over noctis at the hospital, on his lap, waiting to be read.]

[he reads through a couple of the first pages, but at the insistence for page 13, prompto quickly flips over to it. doctor's observations, brain scans, brain activity... he goes through the pictures, not quite understanding them until he reads the doctor's scribbles. daily annotations. increase in brain activity, the significance of the color changes in the scans, going from nearly dead to a healthy increase after a couple of days.]

[prompto's eyes are wide and there's the sting of incoming tears blurring what he sees]

What... what does this mean...

[he knows the answer, he just cannot fathom it]

[ He absolutely hates talking about his condition, but this is where they are now. Noctis feels a twist in his gut because putting what happened into words is extremely difficult. He's still terrified, traumatized to this day. But he can't let it hold him back from living his life. He's too young for that. Noctis crosses his legs again on the couch, visibly tense as he stares at the floor. ]

Before you found me, I had a... Pretty awful seizure. Ah--

[ He clears his throat, gesturing at his neck. ]

Choked on my saliva a bit and... My brain lost a lot of oxygen. Couple that with he seizure itself, and... Yeah.

[ Then, he points to the folder. ]

Go to page 6.

[he studies noctis's expression for a moment, feels himself reliving the awful scene he walked into on that fateful night. his eyes return to the document, and he flips back to page six.]

[initial diagnosis and estimate lifespan]

[the diagnosis isn't too clear, at least because prompto isn't too savvy over this matters. besides, it sounds like the doctor himself has a hard time figuring out what exactly is the issue, other than seizure, brain cut off from oxygen, some sort of lung functionality problems...]

[prompto's eyes skim over to estimated lifespan: three to four days, a week at most.]

[noctis wasn't meant to have made it alive from his coma]

[his eyes are transfixed on that, and without even thinking it, prompto's finds noctis's hand in his own, holding tight. it feels like he's back in the hospital room, not knowing anything and fearing the worst; of losing his best friend, a person so important to prompto he didn't know what to do with himself for all those months. holding noctis's hand is just one way for him to anchor himself into believing things would turn out alright]

[tears are already wetting his cheeks, one and two drops falling onto the paper, as prompto rereads the statement]

[ Noctis has had his fair share of shed tears. In the privacy of his home, of course, and not really in front of Prompto. He feels his throat tighten, and it only seems to get worse when Prompto takes his hand. He doesn't deny the gesture, and even goes so far as to tighten his hand around his. Hardly the response when he was comatose. ]

I think there've been studies that... Talking to someone in a coma helps the brain function. Something about forcing it to work? I don't know.

[ Noctis isn't looking at Prompto. He can't. ]

What I do know is that you were there. Don't remember anything you said, but... I recognized your voice when I woke up.

It's kinda impossible to replace someone who saved your life.

So...

Thought you'd like to know that.

Noctis...

[noctis exemplifies easily what prompto was suspecting from the file, and this time it's a sob that escapes him. it's likely due to the hand squeezing back at him, when it never did, back in hospital. he sets the folder aside for now and twists around (etro squirming out of the way and on top of said folder), putting his arms around his best friend's shoulders]

[his own frame shakes with the unmeasured tears that he hates are always so easy to flow from his eyes]

I never knew, I'm so... so glad you're still alive, Noct... I'm s, so sorry, so...

[ Noctis is gathered up too quickly for him to even register. With a stifled, startled sound, he's pulled into Prompto's arms where he almost immediately feels the tears soak through his shirt. He's a bit bewildered for a second, mostly because he's never seen Prompto cry, and it's extremely new to him. He's left with his arms hanging for a moment, eyes wide as his throat constricts and burns, his eyes following suit.

He shouldn't be alive. That fact resonates with him constantly, yet here's Prompto, being him and making sure that he's okay. He has no idea what he did to earn such a valuable companion, and so his eyes well up all the same.

Noctis is silent as he proceeds to bury his face in Prompto's neck and wraps his arms around him tight in turn. ]

Stop.

[this is not an embrace either of them is going to escape from easily. prompto squeezes his eyes shut as he closes his mouth, closing off any words that may come past his lips; be it apologies, be it reassurances...]

[he's not sure what noctis is telling him to stop for, but while his words have fallen silent, his tears continue. they only strengthen when noctis reciprocates the action, something so vulnerable and unapologetic in so many ways that it makes him hurt even more. here they are, two lonely children (because, really, that's what they are), who have lost so much of everything in their pasts, and who came so close to losing their perhaps only tether to something remotely close to a happy recuperation of apathetic scars and an endless loneliness.]

[this is a chance granted, and prompto does not want to let go]

Noct...

[a wet sniffle, even as he rubs what he hopes are consoling circles onto noctis's back]

Noct, I'll... never leave your side, if you'll let me... I'll... I'll be better, I promise... Always.

[ The "stop" is because he's not prepared to start crying in front of him. But why shouldn't he? Prompto has proven time and time again that they've been close since well before his coma. He doesn't have to remember anything to gather that. Why would he be so off as to think Prompto would judge him for crying, when he's seen Noctis half-dead and hooked up to a dozen machines? He's kept this entire situation blocked in his mind, on top of the weird nightmares he's been having and adjusting to life in general.

But hearing Prompto sob, console him and make such bold promises seems to break the floodgates. The slightest, softest sob is muffled against Prompto's shoulder, and Noctis curls his fingers into his friend's shirt, holding on like he's a lifeline. Because he essentially is his lifeline and had been since the beginning.

Prompto promises to be better, as if there was something to improve upon to begin with, and somehow that makes the tears come out in a torrent. The soothing helps only so far as to stop him from prying away, but he lightly bops his fist against Prompto's back. ]

There's nothing to be better about, Prompto.

[ His voice cracks, choking on a sob. ]

You being there is worth way more than you think. I--

[ Softer:]

I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you.

Edited 2017-07-26 02:16 (UTC)

[he lets that sink in, bringing one leg up on the couch and bending it at the knee, just so he has a better hold of noctis. none of them wants to let go because of the mess their faces most likely will depict.]

[they still got some pride, despite being best friends. it makes sense, really.]

I understand.

[and he really does. he needs to be stronger, because that's the only way the two of them might, perhaps, not crash and burn. their friendship can only grow from this.]

I'm sorry for needing you to, uhm, well, explain things to this extent. I'll never take your friendship for granted. I get stupid thoughts in my head sometimes, so, you know, thanks for being patient with me.

[ It seems both of them are keen on hiding. Noctis buries himself in Prompto, holding tight and afraid to let go. He's incredibly grateful for him, and even if it's hard to talk about this? It feels good to get it off his chest. Anything to make Prompto not feel so terrible. He doesn't deserve that feeling. ]

Figured... It'd come up eventually.

[ The grip on his shirt loosens, but his arms stay wrapped right around him. ]

Just... Stop kicking yourself. I'm not going anywhere.

That's because of you.

[prompto nods, this heavy feeling settling down for once and his chest feeling--lighter. so much lighter.]

[he pulls away, making sure there's a smile on his face. his hands press onto noctis's cheeks as if to dry up his tears.]

I won't.

[for noctis, he'll be strong.]

We both look like idiots, huh? And to think you got my clothes cleaned and pressed for me.

[ He's not exactly too closed in on himself to cry, but Noctis had actively tried to avoid it. His failure is obvious in the year-stricken face that Prompto holds in his hands. He sniffles, shifting his gaze to the ceiling to try and gather himself before looking back to his friend. Noctis scoffs. ]

It's because we're friends, stupid.

[ And then, he chuckles, weakly. Noctis holds gently to one of Prompto's wrists, looking down and shaking his head. ]

Yeah. We're both ridiculous.

Seems to be working for us, though.

[noctis doesn't push him away or anything, but rather seems to close the divide even more by confirming that, yes, they are friends; it's because they are friends that they can lean on each other, for something as trivial as laundry to something more complex, like life and death.]

[prompto feels something, worries straying from him]

[he puts his hands back down, on his lap, looking over at noctis with wonder. he feels small, suddenly, like maybe there's something he doesn't quite deserve.]

You don't mind?

[it must be asked, prompto thinks, despite the answer he already got; his heart is on his throat, suffocating him.]

...that I'm, just too much? All the time?

[hanging out here. crying on your shoulder. constantly questioning my importance.]

[ Prompto's hands leave him, somehow urging Noctis to go right back to having at least one hand covering him. The heel of his hand rubs at his eyes, and he snifflesz ]

Are you kidding me?

[ Noctis doesn't at all have a handle on himself. It may not entirely show, because he's quiet for the most part and keeps a level head. But having a close friendship like this is completely uncharted territory for him. His stomach twists in knots now, when he tries to think of what might have happened to him if he never had Prompto. It's all so strange to him, because before Recolle? Noctis was completely alone.

Before Recolle, he didn't have a single person in his life, other than his father, who just got him. Prompto seems to know Noctis better than he knows himself most of the time, and he finds himself stupidly happy around the guy. Like nerves don't exist, like he can just exist with him and everything would be fine.

But he keeps all of that to himself, while Prompto wears his heart on his sleeve. It's a bit hard to handle sometimes, but it is never too much.

He laughs, weak and riddled with emotion that it is. ]

I never thought that. Ever.

Prompto, you're--

[ The best thing to ever happen to me...

He doesn't say it. He can't. It's gotta be too soon for that, right? But god, he could have died. ]

You're never too much.

[and suddenly it's not there anymore; his chest feels light, and it feels like his heart is pumping at a normal rate, and prompto feels himself relax. noctis's words mean the world to him.]

[guiltily, he looks down at his own lap. plays with a loose thread on the sweats. he's fidgeting, as he always does when he's too nervous.]

You're my best friend since ever.

I'll always be scared of putting you off.

[but then he looks up and lightly bumps noctis's chest with a fist, keeping it raised for a fist pump. his own eyes are red and puffy, and he feels extraordinarily exhausted after crying like that.]

Thanks, for being an amazing friend, Noct.

[ The tears are gone, thankfully. Noctis sighs as the air becomes a little less heavy, resting his hands at his knees. Prompto bumps at his chest and holds out that very same fist, and far be it for Noctis to leave him hanging. With a tired smile, he bumps his friends fist with his own. ]

Same to you, buddy.

[ And then, he gently shoves Prompto by the shoulder. ]

For the record, you could never "put me off".

[prompto gets shoved over a bit, and the awkward stiffness is gone. he smiles--not his usual smile, but something a lot more genuine; soft around the edges, quiet, if anything.]

...you don't know how much it means to me that you would say that.

[he's grateful, that his life has managed to turn itself around somehow, so that now he's around people that care for him, as opposed to how it was, growing up.]

You're subscribed to me for a lifetime now, yeah?

Ic inbox | Recolle

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject