kittycaterer | Ic inbox

[ That's a relief. It was his first contract job! ]

great
let me know if you need any maintenance on it. should have it set on auto-alert for me to get an email if anything goes wrong

[ Another pause. Yeah, that's a tougher question. ]

that what everyone calls them?
i um
yeah actually

"Hallucinomemories" is a term often thrown about, because no one can decide if they're hallucinations or memories, but that always seems cumbersome to me.

Do you want to talk about it?

can't exactly be sure if it counts as a memory but
i saw this
i don't know im pretty sure it was a crystal
when i touched it i suddenly couldn't get away from it
like it started pulling me in
and i felt like someone was there but couldn't see or hear anyone

Edited 2017-07-27 05:43 (UTC)

I should think that counts.

[Hmm. That's strange, and stranger than most memories people seem to first regain.]

How large was this crystal?

pretty big?

[ But this discussion topic is pretty sensitive already, given that Noctis worries about his memory after the brain damage he'd sustained. That and, well, the memory itself is horrifying. Doesn't help that this was his first memory either. ]

how can it be a memory if it never happened?
its already been established that this place has an influence on everyone
it doesn't make sense

I suppose it depends on what theory you subscribe to.

I, along with some others, postulate that what we're "remembering", so to speak, are the bleed-through memories of ourselves from another universe. Why this app should trigger that, why we're getting these particular memories from these particular universes, I can't yet say. But that would certainly answer your question of "how can it be a memory"?

[Speaking of memories: Noctis might just be flashing back to ten years ago, when a twenty-two year old Rosalind would lecture him on whatever it was she was working on. Ah, how times change.]

Now, that isn't to say that's the definitive theory. I know Prompto believes something different; I've spoken to any number of people who have different things to say.

But given I'm an expert in quantum physics and parallel universes, I'd give that theory a bit of extra weight if I were you.

[ Noctis' response takes some time. Mostly because he finds himself reading over Rosalind's theory several times. From a logical standpoint? He can see where she's coming from. But knowing that this may be an actual thing that occurred absolutely terrifies him. Noctis often thinks back to the many nights since the image hit him, nightmares cheating his slumber. The feeling of sinking, of being pulled into a hot-white abyss. All while feeling as though he'd been watched and abandoned.

It's an ugly feeling. Especially for the sheltered young man, once a sheltered young boy that Rosalind has known for so long. It's because of their history that he leans on her explaination and theory, because yes, she's a quantum physics expert. And he recalls (very fondly, actually) the many long-winded lectures when he'd asked what he assumed to be simple questions as a curious kid.

It's because of Rosalind's genius that he's afraid to say more, because he's pretty sure he'll hate the answer. ]

it just
it felt like i was being buried alive
it... it /burned/
like it was trying to suck the life out of me all while... keeping me alive?
if that makes sense

Not entirely. But these memories often don't, both because they lack context and

[She pauses, then:]

Because the rules of each universe aren't standard. What may seem fantastical and magical to us may be commonplace in another universe.

[Another pause.]

How did it end, the memory? Did it consume you?

[ He already talked this through with Prompto. It still makes him sick talking about it. And he's honestly kind of terrified of this. Given that this is his first regained "memory"? If this is a life in another universe, it doesn't look good.

And it's not like his current life is all that great. So what does that tell him? ]

yeah
i remember my feet coming off the ground
the visual is really fragmented, like it's in pieces
but I remember being pulled in completely
then nothing

[ Another minute passes, then Noctis sends another message. Rosalind is a trusted family friend. His father has told him often to call her if he needs to talk to anyone closer to home. He can trust her.

Noctis is scared. He's kept that to himself, but... ]

dr...
did dad tell you why i was hospitalized for a few months?
recently, i mean

No.

Just that you were, and that he'd be grateful if I could look in on you every so often now that you were out.

my condition comes and goes in waves
but a few months ago, i had a pretty bad seizure
tons of complications caused it, doctors still can't figure it out
anyway
I sustained brain injuries from it

[ a pause. And the next response is very obviously wishful thinking and denial ]

maybe this is just a result of that

[Ah. Well. There's two ways that could be taken, but she suspects she knows which it truly is. Perhaps the nicest thing would be to gently go along with that wishful thinking, but that's never been her way.]

Odd, isn't it, that such a thing would be the more comforting option.

You aren't the only one with a frightening recollection. I don't mean that to scold you, but to comfort you: yours is not the only so-called memory that's terrifying to contemplate.

[ Yep. That's the Rosalind-way. Noctis didn't really expect any sort of confirmation, but he hoped for it. ]

yeah
i know
there's a bigger part of me telling me that isn't the case but...

[ Boy, is it good that he's alone right now. ]

i dont know its hard differentiating what is and isnt real since i got out

[Ah.]

How so? Beyond the obvious crystal example.

[ Oh yeah. A myriad of weird feelings he can't seem to line up and deal with. Thanks for hitting him up, Rosalind! ]

i was out for five months
i dont remember anything after i initially moved here
prompto's been trying but...
you should have seen his face when i woke up and asked who he was
how am i supposed to adjust to /this/ on top of that?

The same way you have to everything in your life: by doing the best you can, no matter how great the task.

Which isn't to say it will be easy. But unlike your illness, you have hundreds of people who are enduring the same thing at the precise same rate you are - not to mention the fact that some of them are people you care about. Utilize them, precisely the way you are now.

[ She isn't wrong, but she makes it sound so easy. But Noctis isn't so close-minded as to ignore the fact that others are going through the same thing. Hell, even Prompto is going through the same thing.

It's just... That memory is horrifying. And it makes zero sense. Who the hell is he, and why was he in front of a Crystal that sought to eat him whole? ]

guess you're right

[ He isn't sure what to say or do. All he knows is that he's lost so much sleep over all of this that he's sure he's losing his mind. ]

[There's a pause, and then:]

Tell me what you and Prompto have been up to lately.

[ A... strange shift in topic. But he goes long. ]

uh
we went to the mall the other day
why?

[ Sorry. He still sucks at conversation. ]

Because thinking of Prompto is better than thinking of your memory. And while I could attempt to distract you with physics lessons, it's a bit late for that, even for me.

So. A little more detail, if you please.

[ Oh, that's...

Noctis takes a second to wrap his head around that. Not because he doesn't get it, but because he hadn't quite expected that. He supposes it makes sense. They go pretty far back.

He sighs before responding. ]

not really sure how or where to start but uh
i mean, he's been pretty attentive
since i woke up
weve been going out pretty often, almost every day, which... isnt something i do, normally.
he had no idea i can play piano
guess i never told him

[ Okay, that was significantly easier to let out. She wasn't wrong about thinking about Prompto rather than the memory. This helps.]

He isn't the only one learning new things, then. Every day, though; that's quite often.

I'd encourage you to take my quantum physics class with him, but I think that's asking for disaster.

what
you really think I'd get distracted in a class youre teaching?
maybe your memory fails you, dr
you've been teaching me for years

I think you're a very attentive student when you're on your own, but who knows what happens when you've a friend next to you, hm?

it wouldn't be my fault
prom is the chatty one

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